There must, for instance, be something very strange in a man who, if left a lone in a room with a tea cosy, doesn't try it on. Bennett rallies the residents to stop him setting up a minicab service. Bennett's estranged cousin, Mr.Collins, writes to announce his imminent visit to Longbourne - the house he will inherit on Mr.Bennett's death. (Churchtown Parish Magazine)Ħ.10pm: Pride and Prejudice. Would the congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the church labelled 'for the sick' is for monetary donations only. Bastards has asked them to repay the 69p balance, by cheque, made out in his new name. The bank has now asked him to close his account, and Mr. (The Guardian)Īfter being charged £20 for a £10 overdraft, 30 year old Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to Yorkshire Bank PLC Are Fascist Bastards. It's a special branch vehicle, and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.

Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. (Reuters via The Manchester Evenings News) When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her knickers. It's possible Mr.Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that blew his house to pieces.A selection of funny newspaper cuttings sent in by listeners. (Bournemouth Evening Echo)Ĭommenting on a complaint from a Mr.Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West gas said 'We agree it was rather high for the time of year. 'He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out Heil Hitler'. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. Mrs Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden.

However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. He replied that he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. (The Times)Īt the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard on the spot and asked him to estimate the wind speed. A coastguard spokesman commented, 'this sort of thing is all too common'. (Glasgow Evening News)Ī young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster.

A selection of funny newspaper cuttings sent in by listeners.

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